The Rooster in My Backyard

I have a rooster in my backyard. It crows early in the morning. When it crows it wakes up the neighbor's baby. When the baby cries it wakes up the other neighbor's dog. When the dog barks it wakes up my cat. When my cat screams it wakes me up. When I yell at the cat I wake up my roommate. What a way to start the day.

The first time I heard the rooster crow was about a week after I moved in. It was a sweltering August day and every window was opened as wide as it could go. The stale city air lazily meandered into my bedroom as the early morning light peaked over the flat rooftops. My dreams, as always, were filled with walls to paint, carpets to rip up and ceilings to mend...a dreamworld uncomfortably close to reality.

Just as I was demolishing a dreamy plaster wall and desperately gasping for a dust-free breath of air, a rooster popped out from behind my door. My dreams are weird, but this was ridiculous. I raised my hammer to scare the rooster away and simultaneously jerked myself out of my dream and back into my bedroom. I lowered my arm (still raised at the rooster) and re-closed my eyes when the sound came.

"Cock-a-doodle-doo!" or more realistically, "Er-er-ahh-err-errr!"...every 37 seconds.

Seriously? Did I just buy a house next to a rooster? Did I SERIOUSLY just move next door to a rooster? In the middle of the city? A ROOSTER?!!!!?

The answer? Yes I did. And he made it through the winter. This spring he is back with a vengeance! Like the phantom of the Opera, reeking havoc in the theatre, this piece of poultry roams the concrete plots of back "yard" mercilessly claiming his authority.

Maybe I should find a nice single hen to keep him company. Think they sell that on Craig's List?

Is This a Good Neighborhood or Not?

My realtor was kind enough to educate me on the signs of a good neighborhood so I kept these things in mind while house hunting. I made sure my house wasn't within a few blocks of a quick check cashing place. Apparently this is a sign of low-income neighborhoods. I also steered clear of sneakers draped over telephone lines. Apparently this is a sign of drug trafficking. I made sure my new address wasn't near a cheap take-out beer joint. Apparently this is a sign of drunk homeless people. And I made sure my house didn't share the block with any abandoned houses. Apparently this is a sign of low-resale value.

But I recently discovered a nugget of beauty. A sign I had completely overlooked and upon discovery was almost too entertained to be disappointed in my choice of housing location.

The local school proudly displays a giant banner over their front door. This banner has a message so powerful that some school administrator went through the trouble of going to the local print shop, proudly scribbling down the desired words and punctuation, waiting with bated breath for the day they could pick up the finished product, then meticulously mounting a 15 foot ladder to drill holes into the tough mortar of the school's brick exterior. This gem of a message, this proud exclamation states that (and I quote), "WE MADE ADEQUATE YEARLY PROGRESS IN 2005!"

"Adequate" progress? Is adequate progress actually banner worthy? Is it something you want to brag about? And what about the 5 years that have taken place after 2005 or the countless years before 2005? The fact that this school was proud enough to print a banner with this message and cap it all off with an EXCLAMATION POINT t brought to mind one thought: Apparently this is a sign (literally) of a really bad school system.