What Is That Smell?

In one of my first posts I explained my habit of ritualistically raising my fist and cursing my home's former owner.

"Bartleby!" I'll exclaim whenever I find a broken door hinge or a rotting floor board. But yesterday was the "Bartleby!!!!" of all "Bartlebies!!!!"

Um...maybe not. I think the toilet leaking through to the dining room was the winner so far. But this comes in a close second.

First let me provide context.

Last summer when I bought this "adventure" of a home I discovered many clues into the life and mind of Bartleby. Like his love for shelving and vigilante wire splicing.

And cats.

After ripping up the stained carpets and having the house fumigated for fleas...twice...I thought the the problems of poor pet ownership were done. Until it got hot and humid. With a little heat and some fresh rain water the pungent smell of cat urine is resurrected in the front portico*. It hangs like a thick soup, possibly even a chowder, until the moisture from the rain recedes and the smell grows dormant...until another summer rain.

I think the problem will only be solved by getting entirely new flooring in the portico. But for the time being, I have to create a PR strategy for the smell. It's the first thing visitors will notice as soon as I open the front door to let them in. So, I've thought of a few options:

1. Pretend the smell is them and ask if they're feeling okay.

2. Warn them of the smell when extending the initial invitation, giving them the option of accepting the invite or acquiring other, less nasally offensive scheduling plans.

3. Refuse to open the glass front door until I have successfully communicated to the guest through sign language and mime technique that the portico smells of cat urine, but it's not my fault and they should forgive me and still try to have a good time

There is good news though. The smell gets trapped in the portico as soon as the inside door is closed, so with a quick entrance the smell only has to be endured for 2.927 seconds. And this smelly situation could prove to be a good test of friendship for my guests. My friends tend to be pretty gracious and loving people but can they make it through this?

*A small entrance way between the front door and the door to the living room at the front of the house. Cats love porticoes.