I Have Fans!

My cousin Geoff used to work for Lowe's. I loved him more then. During that time I took advantage of his employee discount and bought two ceiling fans, one for the kitchen and one for the living room.

Recently my dad helped me hang the fan in the kitchen. It was easy and wonderful. Then came the living room. It is still not done.

This was a true "Bartleby" moment.

Me: Why can't we just hang the fan like the other one?

Dad: Because there isn't any electricity in the ceiling here.

Me: You're funny dad.

Dad: Seriously, the wire running across your ceiling is plugged into the outlet down here. And Bartleby hung the fan on this big hook he screwed into the middle of the ceiling.

(silence)

Dad: Kelly, are you okay?

Me: Bartleby!!!!!

So, we went to Lowe's with the plan to buy new wire and cover it with a plastic tube-like casing thing called a conduit. The wire would then be "up to code", a term I've learned to hate.

The conversation with a Lowe's employee named Mark went something like this:

Me: ...and that's why we need to re-wire my living room for a new ceiling fan.

Mark: Do you want my professional advice?

Me: Yes.

Mark: Don't do it.

Me: Okay, but, if we do do it, what will we need to get?

Mark: I can't recommend this.

Me: I know, but IF you did, what would you tell us to get?

Mark: This is not a good idea.

Me: I know, but IF you happen to accidentally point us toward the parts we'll need, what isle would you point to?

(silence)

Mark: That way.

Me: You're a peach Mark. A real peach.

For the record, my dad is super smart and super honest, so in the end, we ended up following all the rules. This included fishing wire through my stupid plaster ceiling (for which you need a metal wire-fishing tool) and running a whole new wire from the electrical box in the basement. This is apparently called "grounding" and involves making sure all the electricity around the area you're working on is turned off. It also apparently involves pretending to get electrocutes so your daughter completely freaks out.

In the end, there was just way more work to do than we ever could have predicted.

For now, the old fan is back up and loosely dangling from it's hook in the middle of the ceiling. The new fan is back in the box. The holes in the ceiling have yet to be patched. The new "grounded" wire is dangling down the wall waiting to be spliced into the outlet. And I'm counting down the days until my dad comes to visit again.